What is it with Scandinavians and their ‘n’roll’? The latest variant is Norway’s The Cumshots with their stab at ‘Death n’Roll’. Another bunch of Scandinavians glare out from the inlay sleeve, this time clad in those pool-players’ shirts that went out of fashion in about 2002. Only guitarist Freddie Tennessee (fuck’s sake) bucks the trend, going for an all-conquering cowboy hat and ghastly ‘70s tie combination.
Unusually for A-Band-Which-Looks-Like-They-Go-Like-That The Cumshots have a twist, which is that vocalist Max Cargo is some kind of television presenter. His exploits include televising his plastic surgery operations and sitting in shop windows for weeks eating junk food. The Cumshots have been nominated for Norwegian grammys, but also let people have sex on stage during their shows (yes there are photos on their website. From behind, and yes she has.) It is all to save the trees or something else equally un-Metal. So far so harmless, right? With that information this reviewer was expecting a Hives-a-like.
Oho, wrong, wrong, wrong. The bloody spectre of Euronymous should remind us never to confuse those happy-go-lucky Swedes with their darker-souled Norwegian brethren. The Cumshots’ publicity also states that this band alarms Norwegian conservatives. Consider that those guys already have a lot on their plates trying to think of excuses to re-imprison mad, bad Varg Vikernes, the Renfield of Heavy Metal, and you realise that The Cumshots must be doing something special.
The opening strains of first number ‘Praying for Cancer’ immediately reveal that this is another trip to the Nu-Metal No-Fun-Whatsoever House. However, unlike any of their rivals in that tragically arid genre, The Cumshots deliver the goods with absolute sincerity. Norwegians really GET angst and bitter hopeless fury. Songs like the beautiful, brilliant ‘I Drink Alone’ address real issues, really faced by adults. It is all a different league to the empty school-kid litanies delivered by Slipknot and their million American imitators. The accompanying video, featuring real Oslo alcoholics, is as fascinating and compelling as a car-crash. On a lighter note it’s also worth watching for the bit where Max Cargo jumps up and head-butts the light fitting. Not expecting THAT much pain huh?
Another thing Norwegians really GET is bleak, gallows humour. With song titles like ‘Pouring Salt on A Slug’ and ‘Vomitory’, as well as choruses along the lines of ‘… the blood of your boyfriend, caked on my torso….’ and (magnificently) ‘… Satan’s still got some humour, That growth in your stomach, It ain’t a baby, it’s a tumour…Who’s laughing now - BITCH!’ we are in the realm of the fantastically sick. Make no mistake. This is the real deal. Marilyn Manson, sharpen your quill. Those Norwegians are doing it better.
‘Just Quit Trying’ is crushingly heavy in places, but with enough ‘n’roll’ to keep it listenable. Guitar players will be dismayed by the lack of solo work, but hey it’s that Nu-thing. Unusually for a Nu-Metal band The Cumshots also have plenty of good choruses and there’s some nicely worked riffage. ‘Bitter Erection’ is a masterpiece, a superb mini-epic with a great slow, stomping guitar riff and chugging bass line reminiscent of Static-X and with a great refrain. Max Cargo’s vocals are the usual distorted shouting with some cleverly worked counterpoint harmonies, but are delivered with unusual charisma and a great deal of originality.
‘Just Quit Trying’ is by no means perfect. ‘Punchdrunk on Death’ for instance is all sound and fury. Rodeostar Records also appear to have sat on this record for three years, which is baffling because despite some slow moments this is a very good work indeed. The delay may also prove fatal, as the hordes of po-faced Metal fans of 2006 are rapidly realising that they much prefer being the plastic Viking helmet-clad Turisas lovers of 2009. Nevertheless the intelligence, compelling songs and genuine entertainment on offer here should ensure that The Cumshots continue to thrive and grow despite the approaching and inevitable Nu-cull. What a nasty little record. Fabulous.
http://www.thecumshots.org
http://www.myspace.com/cumshots
