Skálmöld are another addition to the horde of Viking bandwagon jumpers and increasingly incompetent imitators blighting these shores. Boasting as “influences” Ensiferum, Amon Amarth and improbably Iron Maiden, and hailing from Iceland, Skálmöld are Napalm Records’ latest find, pushing an ungroundbreaking album which falsely promises to combine said influences.
Unpromisingly Skálmöld are derived from various bands, “not all Metal”. Their picture bears this out - six unimpressive geezers in jeans and black t-shirts. One appears to be a midget. Two are wearing glasses, including the bald vocalist. One is plump-ish with a Mohican and beard. No wonder the Vikings got thrashed at Stamford Bridge.
So - to the album!
“Baldur” tells the story of a Viking who goes on a revenge journey, but “revenge comes with a prize: a prize Baldur is more than willing to pay”. Apparently “the band’s lyrical take is ambitious” and their lyrics obey the laws of Icelandic poetry. This is impossible to verify. It is also impossible to tell whether the much vaunted lyrics are in English or Icelandic because they are an incomprehensible.
In the 1990s an L.A band called L/S/D had a singer who was homeless and lived in a box. His vocals were sometimes drunken noises, faithfully transliterated on album covers as “Rugbugbug ackh backak” and so on. The question is how his patented bridge under-dweller alco-gargle has become the universally accepted voice of METAL?
For some bands it sort of makes sense. With Cradle of Filfth it might be an extended death rattle - but for Skálmöld? A Viking who went round going “Bleurgh bleurgh bleurgh!” would be thrown in the water butt to sober up. One of Skálmöld (not the vocalist), can actually sing but is so low in the mix he can’t be heard (clear vocals aren’t METAL). Chief bleurgher Björgvin Sigurðsson manages to articulate sort of in key, putting him above Angela Gossow in technique, but he still isn’t fit to shine Johan Hegg’s hairy sea boots.
In terms of best lyrical moments one is torn between “Daudi”, “Bleurgh! Bleurgh! Graargenhurghshan! BLEURGH!!!!” (Baldur finds a hat in a rubbish dump) and “Valholl”s ”Gragenshparkend Brukenfucken Gruurggh Gaarrgh!” (Baldur frightens children at a zebra crossing).
Most annoyingly, some of this album is very good. Opening track “Heima” begins with a choir of children around a camp fire. Then some manly Vikings start singing. It is beautifully done. You could be there, sharing a horn of mead, telling manly stories to your manly Viking buddies. Second track “Ras” again starts brilliantly, with some folk guitar and a magnificent Tyr-ish Viking chorus. The tension is built and held taut with cunningly escalating scales. It builds and builds until…. “Bleurgh bleurgh bleurga WOOOARGH!”. All is lost.
On “Sorg” they stick to the Tyr-choruses, creating an effective dreamscape. Sigurðsson is bleurgh-ing along but too low in the mix to ruin things. This is followed by “Upprisa”, an ill-judged foray into hardcore. The “Ugha blugha blugha” chorus is matched by too loud too fast keyboards. Baldur has fallen on a merry-go-round. The whole thing is one demented whirl. He has a moment of clarity in the middle, then “blurgha blugha”, whirl, whirl. Off he goes again.
“For” sounds like GWAR if GWAR were no fun. There is some atmospheric keyboard, but Baldur is drunk onstage and it gets knocked over. Sigurðsson is accompanied by the good singer, very faintly in the background. Too little, you fools - too little.
With “Drauning” we are back with the atmospherics. A baby cries in a meadow. The men sing of victory in the rain. Then in staggers Baldur for “Frafend”. “Blaargh! Grumple Naaar!” he explains.
“Kvaning” starts beautifully. Boasting flutes and drums, it would go down nicely at the court of Henry VIII. Then in come the guitars with some excellent riffs. The atmosphere is “Headless Cross”, the riff could be recent Iron Maiden - but Iron Maiden has Bruce Dickinson. Skálmöld go “Bleurgha bleurgha bleurgh”.
“Daudi” follows the same pattern, opening with flutes and a hurdy gurdy. It is effective, works well and is immediately followed by killer riffs reminiscent of “Night Crawler”. There is no denying Skálmöld’s ability to write songs which might be catchy in other circumstances.
On “Valholl” they start with some Viking chants, like a less ponderous Tyr. Again, the guitar-work shows considerable ability before the horrible noise.
The final track, “Baldur” again starts very brilliantly. Nicely layered guitar is accompanied by keyboard in a manner not heard since “Somewhere in Time”. In places the music is downright beautiful - but some drunk snuck in and ranted all over it.
So there you have the tale of Baldur. One word, “Odin!!!” is discernible. We don’t ever find out what Baldur’s prize is.
Something he didn’t want, hopefully. Plague.
The cover is kickass though.
http://www.myspace.com/skalmold
Graham Cushway
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