The cast list of this sordid little tale are gathered in the soon to possibly be afterlife, pitched up on the edge of reality. Assembled are the key parties; one Richard Christ Esquire (recently deceased), St Peter (guardian of the pearly gates) Bill Zebub (emissary of hell and all that is evil and dark forevermore) various cherubs and assorted sprites and demons are also at hand frolicking with wild abandon.
St Peter: “Ah hello, so good of you to join us, are you any relation by the way Mr Christ, it would certainly help your case?”
Richard Christ: What I don’t understand, what’s going on dude?”
Cherubs and assorted sprites and demons: “You’re dead deceased please come on in, it’s time for judgement and reckoning of sin”
St Peter: “Sorry about that, they always speak in rhyme”
Richard Christ: “But I can’t be dead, only just a second ago I was …. Oh!”
Bill Zebub: Playing with assorted animals, sex implements stuck up various places I would not care to mention although they are close to the bowels of hell and of course let’s not forget the transvestite dwarfs and suitcases of drugs.”
Richard Christ: “Ah, so what now?”
St Peter: “Well old chap we have to decide what to do with you”
Richard Christ: “Heaven and hell, I know them well but I haven’t yet made my choice”
Bill Zebub: “Well there is no need to quote Wayne Hussey at us you despicable little man. It’s pretty much a done deal anyway, hell is the place for those that copy others and you know all about that don’t you Mr ahem Christ?”
Cherubs and assorted sprites and demons: You didn’t even do it well so you should go down straight to hell!”
St Peter: Yes I believe you played somewhere in the area of 200 shows as a Marilyn Manson tribute act and he is not exactly the sort of role model we are looking for in heaven you know. Have to admit I am rather partial to Antichrist Superstar but don’t tell the big boss.”
Richard Christ: “But I brought joy and pleasure to hundreds of people and I don’t do that anymore. I even have a new album out of my own stuff”
Cherubs and assorted sprites and demons: “And its bargain basement Manson and he’s much more handsome”
St Peter: Yes we are well aware of it and have had a bit of a sneak listen. Now what were those lyrics to ‘An American Christ.’ Bill would you be so kind?”
Bill Zebub: “God is a lost call, god is a lost mission” and “I am a fist fucking in your face and I’m a magazine of the saints”
St Peter: Blasphemy, heresy, narcissism, bad poetry and gutter filth lyrics all in that and it’s only the first song.”
Richard Christ: “But there is a parental advisory warning on the cover”
Bill Zebub: Surely all this foul language would only appeal to the kiddies though and it would probably corrupt them. I do like that chorus that goes Die motherfucker, die motherfucker, die motherfucker, die motherfucker, die die die though. Got a real ring to it that one.
St Peter: And what’s that Fashion God song all about talking about sucking c… oh I just cannot bring myself to say it. That sort of thing does not go down (no pun intended) well if you want to come in here!”
Cherubs and assorted sprites and demons: “It’s really rather heinous, this sucking of the penis!”
St Peter: Quiet back there, honestly!”
Bill Zebub: Trying his hardest not to snicker “And then there’s that cover of classic Blondie number ‘Call Me’. That is certainly worthy of a one way trip down. Kind of funny really as it’s us calling you too, don’t you think?”
Richard Christ: What can I do, I really am not ready to die. I’ll give up the drugs, the bad language, the animals and butt plugs I will stop wearing crap make up and go to church once a week.”
Cherubs and assorted sprites and demons: “You are such a fairy, they should have called you Mary.”
Bill Zebub: Oh for Christ’s sake!
St Peter: “Enough of that please Bill, its obvious this ones for you”
Bill Zebub: “But I really don’t want him, for Pete’s sake (ah sorry again) he might start singing to us down there and I’m expecting that nice Mr Vikernes soon. Don’t want this idiot ruining the party and prancing about do we?”
Richard Christ: “Yes please, I promise to have another go and make an album that not a Goth lite swearfest, one with substance, good lyrics and a positive upbeat message.”
St Peter: “In this case it might be for the best, what do you think Bill?”
Cherubs and assorted sprites and demons: “You’re going back to live some more, you silly little gothy whore.”
St Peter: “Quite, Bill would you be a good chap and say the magic words to send him back please?”
Bill Zebub: “In the name of hell and the name of heaven, in the name of the elements earth, water, fire and air I command thee FUCK OFF!”
Richard Christ: Sees the bright light slowly fading, he begins to feel his body getting heavier and feels something wet licking his face.
Goat: “Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”
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