Artist: Raptor School
Title: Redefine
Type: Album
Label: Oil Duck Records

Every year, despite months of telling myself I won’t do it, I tune into ITV and brace myself for another round of hopefuls battle it out against Cowell and his cohorts. Why, you ask? Well there’s just something satisfying about watching a slew of deluded wannabes get ripped to pieces by the panel, all false hope squashed…yes, I am a heartless bitch and I shall make no pretences about it. Heartless perhaps, but then it takes the likes of a self-important record exec sometimes to bring these poor, poor plebs back down to reality. It’s all terribly predictable, so much that one is starting to get the feeling of de-ja-vu; some production-line drip tootles on, pants a bit too high to be comfortable and jam-jar glasses I actually thought the NHS outlawed in 1992 and with the personality of a dish cloth. Exchanging sardonic glances, the judges humour him and asks to whom he would compare himself, which sparks a calm and collected ‘oh, I don’t know, I’m equally as good as George Michael,’ before proceeding to humiliate himself with a string of toneless, tuneless shrieks that make a strangled cat sound canorous. The thing that gets me though, is that often these morons are not alone; no, they have an entourage of parents, siblings, mates down the pub, etc. who have all told them they can actually sing, and are rather good at it. Had they just been straight with this poor bloke, perhaps he would not be standing up on the X making a complete utter twat of himself in-front of the whole damned country. So, who is really the cruel one in this equation?

Cruel as it may be, it’s also goddamned hilarious. For a whole two minutes, at least, while the idiot on the box reinforces ones self-worth of ‘oh well, at least I’m not as bad as this guy!’ But suppose, horror of all horrors, that deluded person who believes he can sing goes away and makes a record. Now, no longer do you have 2 minutes you can giggle at, but you have a whole 45 minutes and far from being funny, it’s just bloody painful. Now, I’ve reviewed some less than commendable stuff on this site, often the vocals leave much to be desired and after all, there are some types of metal and punk bands that can get away with sloppy singing. There is, however, a line that must be drawn, and on the other side of that line you have the guys and gals that, under punishment of death, should never, ever, so much as open their mouth. Seriously dude, you wanna be in a band; play the guitar. You have something to say; write a blog. But DO NOT sing! Now, I’m sure Jeff Kollnott has never in his life considered singing in a reality show, and like many singer/guitarists, the singing part is perhaps incidental. It did even cross my mind that they simply had no luck finding a vocalists so he decided to take on the role himself; all well and good, bands have line up issues, but why spend money on such a professionally packaged album when you’re clearly not ready?

The most frustrating thing about all this is that musically it isn’t half bad! Raptor School aren’t breaking any boundaries, but they do play a competent metal-punk mash up that would otherwise be a fairly enjoyable listen. There’s a lively step to ‘Redefine’ and the riffs have a classic early Maiden vibe in places, while tracks like ‘Animal Seats’ and When The Stars Burn Out’ are much more punk-infused with a slack bass-line that is rather Ramones-esque in delivery. The latter showcases some nifty guitar soloing that lets loose above the rhythm, before it does literally burn out and segues into the more condensely titled ‘Star’ which at almost 10 minutes in length is far from condense in nature. This one utilises some tender guitar melodies and a thick bass that gives a nice mellow and chilled out vibe that really allows the band to shine musically. The slow-paced ‘Unbalanced’ has an equal slice of melody running through some slow but heavy riffs.

Upon first listen I really hated this. In fact, I could not get past track three without having to grab myself a headache tablet. In places this is as clumsy as a Tyrannosaurus Rex in a P.E. class, but there is too much potential there and thus would be a shame for them to drop out. Stay in Raptor School, tighten up your act, and please, please, please, get a new vocalist!

http://www.myspace.com/raptorschool

Luci Herbert

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