Artist: Spit Like This
Title: We Won’t Hurt You (But We Won’t Go Away)
Type: Album
Label: GMR Music Group

I’ve always hated management speak, spin, and buzzwords that assorted supervisors who think talking like an American motivational speaker make up for their incompetence. Sadly, having been promoted to a supervisory role, I’ve had this thrown at me at assorted money wasting conferences which cut into my available time to actually do my job. However, on hearing this album, ‘We Won’t Hurt You (But We Won’t Go Away)’ by Spit Like This, I thought I’d try and apply what is known as the “Criticism Sandwich”, or “The Hamburger method of Constructive Criticism.” This says, “When offering a critique, you begin with a constructive compliment on something the person does well (Otherwise known as the fluffy bun part). You then get to the meat of the matter, which of course is the constructive criticism part. Finally, you end with another constructive compliment (i.e. the other half of the fluffy bun).”

Here goes: the front cover of the album is nice and shiny; the music on the CD in the middle is dire; the back cover is nice and shiny too! Sorry about this, I really couldn’t find anything to like. The very first note that came out of my stereo had me wanting to switch it off with a sledge hammer. Coming across like a bastard child of the B52’s and Poison, the band just did nothing for me. Whilst singing about “sex drugs and heavy metal”, the band didn’t convince in any way. It honestly sounded like a made up metal band featured in some cheap 80’s Troma horror movie, and I kept praying for some toxic mutant to wander in and chase the band away from their instruments.

Some might say that their lyrics are somehow retro and ironic, or you could say they are unoriginal and derivative. It’s all a matter of perspective, but I fall firmly into the latter category. Attempts to pull of some Cramps attitude with twanging country guitars really didn’t lift up the album, and the inclusion of a by the numbers cover of Rocky Horror’s ‘Sweet Transvestite’ just highlighted how much the band was style over substance.

I’ve no doubt the band has been working hard for years to get to the position of being signed, and that dedication deserves recognition; however, the album sounds like far more time was spent on image then musicianship. All I ask, is that if the band respond to this criticism the way others have in the past to the website review, please put enough stamps on the pooh parcel so that I don’t have to pay excess postage!

http://www.spitlikethis.com

Spenny Bullen

MTUK HOME